What happened to forgiveness?

My inspirations for blog posts have gone missing lately. However, there are random times like today when something just hits me in the face. 

In the past year, my relationships with certain people have been on roller coasters. Whether it be disagreements, misspoken words, deliberate actions, or other things . . .

It is plain to see that relationships in general take a lot of effort to make last. I consider myself a very forgiving person. When someone does something that hurts me, I tend to forgive that person as long as that person is legitimately sorry. 

I won't go into names or details, but I feel as though I forgive others, but others do not forgive me for the mistakes I have made. I never looked at it like that until today AND it is really bugging me. I don't understand why I can regret something and try to make up for whatever I screwed up, but never be forgiven. I would like to say I just need to move on and that it is their problem. However if someone doesn't forgive me, I tend to hold on to a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can't quite explain it. It makes me hold onto my regrets for a long time, if not forever. I say that because I cannot think of something that I was able to let go of in a situation like this. Who knows, maybe I am meant to suffer longer for the mistakes I make. 

Hope everyone is doing well. I apologize if I haven't kept in touch with some of you. 

I may be mean...but oh well

So I've noticed that I have changed this past year. I have been a little mean to people by being more truthful and straight out blunt with people. I met a person that introduced me to this theory and it has stuck with me. The theory (if it really is a theory) is that if someone does something wrong, let them know straight out that what they did was wrong or else they will continue to do that action. I did this to someone yesterday. It was stuff that happened over years, but it felt good to not keep things built up inside me. I ended up making this person cry, which was a shock. I expected the person to just get upset or angry. I must say that I now believe this person is immature. I used to be a person who would let things slide and never say anything. Now I don't like making people cry, but I believe that people deserve to know the truth about their actions in life. I think being honest is the best thing a person can do. Whether it is a complete stranger, an acquaintance, a good friend, or the person you are dating/engaged/married to, honesty goes a long way. It helps a person think about their actions and how it effects others around them. Who knows, maybe honesty towards someone can help that person be a better person, friend, etc. I think that we all try to avoid any kind of conflict to a point that we are then stuck with that person repeating the same actions that bugged us to begin with. The longer we are not honest with someone, the more that person thinks their actions are perfectly okay. Then, the day you do manage to get the guts to say something, that person has gotten away with their actions for so long that they won't change what they are doing.
So if I am a little mean through my honesty, I apologize. It isn't meant to be hurtful, I do it because I care. I care about how we all treat each other.

Why didn't I see this happening until now?

There are times in life where you have an awakening. Today was one of them. I've been going through a rough time lately (hence the lack of blog posts). I sat down today and asked myself, "what happened to the fun in my life?" And I'd give anything to have fun again. So I sat, I thought, and realized that I have let all the bad things in my life consume my whole being. Sometimes when you grow up and focus on the adult things you miss out on the opportunities of going out and enjoying life. I don't like taking a magnifying glass to the thoughts of me still being jobless, not having many friends here where I live (most of them are at college still), and the thought of being stuck at home doing nothing almost everyday.  I want to awaken the inner child in me, go out with the friends I do have around, and just have fun. Of course I need help in this task. I can invite people all the time to go out to eat or to have fun. But it does me no good when people reject my invitations. I think most people in these bad economic times have lost sight of important things. Like going out and enjoying the company of others. I'm not saying we need to lose sight of the serious things going on in life, like paying bills, rent, doing well in our jobs. I'm just saying we all need to set some time aside to enjoy the things in life. Whether it be family, friends, doing certain activities. Anything will do. Just don't come home from work (if you have a job) and sit on your butt watching TV, playing video games, going to sleep, etc. Also eliminate the non important things that bring you down. Eliminate your contact with negative people, you don't need them to bring you down. Just my thoughts for the day. 

This song is one of my favorites these days. It's a great song that starts off kinda weird (church organs), then goes into a great beat, then ends on a very beautiful note (almost like a orchestra).