Struggling right now. Never felt so alone before. I'll be alright though. I'm sure this is just a temporary thing I'm going through right now. Could use a good hug right now. I guess this goes to show everyone I'm far from perfect. I rarely break down in front of others. In fact, I tend to put on a fake smile for a lot of people.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
For The Love Of Bowling
Oh how I miss bowling. I love it so much. Anyone that knows me well can tell you how obsessed I am over it. I can play game after game after game and still not get enough of it. The other day my parents mentioned how everyone in their league keeps asking where I am and how come I'm not there bowling with them this summer. That really made me miss the people I bowl with and bowling even more.
Bowling by far is an extremely fun sport. It's also competitive. I love every aspect of it. You get to meet new people and make new friends as you bowl in a league. And since I am a very competitive person, I love to compete among other great bowlers. I love when a game is close or when the other team thinks they have won, and I turn around and strike out in the last frame to win the game. The look on the other team's face is priceless. Now individually it is fun, but it is also a great team sport. Every bowler on a team plays an important role, whether the person is first in the order or if they are the anchor man on the team.
So many people think of bowling as just a fun activity to do once in awhile. However, I think it is more than that. It is a team building activity, a competition, a social activity, a way to stay in shape, a skill building sport, and a challenge. I wish more people would take up the sport on a regular basis because it is truly something fun and enjoyable.
I guess I'm ranting on a bit too much, but I hope this helps some people understand why I am passionate about it. Here is a fun video on just a skills challenge. I apologize that the video is a little long. Danny Weisman is actually from Baltimore, MD. And I actually had the chance to not only meet Brian Voss, but also receive some bowling tips from him. In fact, I still use what he taught me. Amazing hall of fame bowler.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
"Madness fills my heart and soul"
So it looks like this blog helps me vent my frustrations a lot. It's not that I'm unhappy all the time. I just have things on my mind that make my brain want to explode when things get ridiculous. And I don't think anyone, including myself, can ever find the right words which will completely explain how I'm breaking down from time to time.
So let me break down all the background information:
I am in Buena Vista, VA. A small town that is absolutely beautiful. However, there is nothing to do here. Granted I am very much an introvert and prefer to just chill out and relax, but I am going insane with boredom. It is also the summer time. Where there once was a college town with people around, there is now a ghost town. The few people that are around and that I am friends with are busy working.
I am also working 40 hours a week...thank goodness because I would definitely be going insane everyday if I didn't work that much. I love my job and can't wait to keep building my career.
Then, there is my personal life. I broke up with someone and was broken up with, my heart was broken. It hurt...still hurts because there are times where I feel like something is wrong with me. I was fortunate to still keep good friendships out of everything. Then, I miss my family a lot. I miss bowling with my parents, playing video games with my dad, and just talking to both of them. I badly want to see my niece and nephew. I feel like an aunt that has gone "m.i.a." I miss both of my sisters and brother-in-laws a lot. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that being far away from your family sucks.
Now why exactly am I going crazy? Let me tell you to the best of my abilities.
I just do not understand how others think and act. Let's take today for an example. I went up to someone because I had to give them something. However, the person next to them (as I approached with a friendly smile) gave me a nasty glare. What the heck? Now I did not know this person who gave me the glare, so it was not like I had a bad history or experience with them. Now I understand there are just people out there that are mean. So lets move onto another example.
Time and time again I do not understand why people choose to act like an idiot. Is it purely to get attention? I hope not because that kind of attention is not good. BUT take a person who acts like an idiot and then look at the countless numbers of people around that gladly accept this behavior as acceptable/normal. For example, visualize a girl that screams at the top of her lungs purely because she has to prove a point that she believes in something. Now for me, that hurts my ears and makes me think "why couldn't she lower the volume a tad bit? She could have made the same point or say the same thing without butchering my ears." HOWEVER, most people around here will accept her actions and sometimes JOIN IN on this behavior. Why does this happen? I have no clue. If anyone finds the answer please tell me ASAP. Tell me why people choose to act dumb and tell me why others accept dumb actions?
This also goes into my last post about being a hypocrite. Tell me why a friend wouldn't do something for me about 2 months ago, but then turn around and do it for someone else when the reasons are the same now? In my eyes and thoughts, my friend is an idiot for acting like a hypocrite. But what can I honestly say to this person without coming across as crazy person? I feel like being honest hurts me the most sometimes...that's when I choose to say nothing. I'll just have to live with the thoughts I have of this situation for a long time. I am going insane...
I have had enough. I feel like I need to just shut off everything in my mind. I need to get away from these people that constantly hurt me. Whether it is hurting my heart or my brain. I want to surround myself by those that I know won't do this mess (if there are any of these people around). Because I cannot continue to sit here and think that something is wrong with ME. When I constantly search for an answer I cannot find anything. Clearly it is not purely me that is in the wrong. Something else is going on right now that I cannot explain. If you have any input let me know through comments.
Meanwhile here is a song that I have fallen in love with (and somewhat describes how I feel) for the past month and a half:
So let me break down all the background information:
I am in Buena Vista, VA. A small town that is absolutely beautiful. However, there is nothing to do here. Granted I am very much an introvert and prefer to just chill out and relax, but I am going insane with boredom. It is also the summer time. Where there once was a college town with people around, there is now a ghost town. The few people that are around and that I am friends with are busy working.
I am also working 40 hours a week...thank goodness because I would definitely be going insane everyday if I didn't work that much. I love my job and can't wait to keep building my career.
Then, there is my personal life. I broke up with someone and was broken up with, my heart was broken. It hurt...still hurts because there are times where I feel like something is wrong with me. I was fortunate to still keep good friendships out of everything. Then, I miss my family a lot. I miss bowling with my parents, playing video games with my dad, and just talking to both of them. I badly want to see my niece and nephew. I feel like an aunt that has gone "m.i.a." I miss both of my sisters and brother-in-laws a lot. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that being far away from your family sucks.
Now why exactly am I going crazy? Let me tell you to the best of my abilities.
I just do not understand how others think and act. Let's take today for an example. I went up to someone because I had to give them something. However, the person next to them (as I approached with a friendly smile) gave me a nasty glare. What the heck? Now I did not know this person who gave me the glare, so it was not like I had a bad history or experience with them. Now I understand there are just people out there that are mean. So lets move onto another example.
Time and time again I do not understand why people choose to act like an idiot. Is it purely to get attention? I hope not because that kind of attention is not good. BUT take a person who acts like an idiot and then look at the countless numbers of people around that gladly accept this behavior as acceptable/normal. For example, visualize a girl that screams at the top of her lungs purely because she has to prove a point that she believes in something. Now for me, that hurts my ears and makes me think "why couldn't she lower the volume a tad bit? She could have made the same point or say the same thing without butchering my ears." HOWEVER, most people around here will accept her actions and sometimes JOIN IN on this behavior. Why does this happen? I have no clue. If anyone finds the answer please tell me ASAP. Tell me why people choose to act dumb and tell me why others accept dumb actions?
This also goes into my last post about being a hypocrite. Tell me why a friend wouldn't do something for me about 2 months ago, but then turn around and do it for someone else when the reasons are the same now? In my eyes and thoughts, my friend is an idiot for acting like a hypocrite. But what can I honestly say to this person without coming across as crazy person? I feel like being honest hurts me the most sometimes...that's when I choose to say nothing. I'll just have to live with the thoughts I have of this situation for a long time. I am going insane...
I have had enough. I feel like I need to just shut off everything in my mind. I need to get away from these people that constantly hurt me. Whether it is hurting my heart or my brain. I want to surround myself by those that I know won't do this mess (if there are any of these people around). Because I cannot continue to sit here and think that something is wrong with ME. When I constantly search for an answer I cannot find anything. Clearly it is not purely me that is in the wrong. Something else is going on right now that I cannot explain. If you have any input let me know through comments.
Meanwhile here is a song that I have fallen in love with (and somewhat describes how I feel) for the past month and a half:
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Tired of it all...
So I was thinking about how sick and tired I am of hypocrites.
Hypocrite - a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
Time and time again I come across so many people, even my closest friends, that will say one thing or even do one thing while they are with me and then they will do the opposite later on. With my close friends this is painful for me to deal with. Missed opportunities, thoughts constantly going of what could have been, and of course the constant thoughts of "what the heck were you thinking?" and "why do you preach to everyone, but for some reason nothing applies to you?"
Granted I am sure I have been a hypocrite from time to time. However, its not on the important things in life. If I am guilty, it is for smaller things.
Then there are those people who I don't know very well and am grateful that I don't. People that put on a fake smile and try to fool you. People who lure you in with there fake mess and then take advantage of you. I like to observe people before I become friends with people. This gives me a good idea of what kind of person I am dealing with.
Maybe this is why I only have a select group of friends. I don't know. I'm just tired of all the hypocrisy. What are your thoughts?
Hypocrite - a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
Time and time again I come across so many people, even my closest friends, that will say one thing or even do one thing while they are with me and then they will do the opposite later on. With my close friends this is painful for me to deal with. Missed opportunities, thoughts constantly going of what could have been, and of course the constant thoughts of "what the heck were you thinking?" and "why do you preach to everyone, but for some reason nothing applies to you?"
Granted I am sure I have been a hypocrite from time to time. However, its not on the important things in life. If I am guilty, it is for smaller things.
Then there are those people who I don't know very well and am grateful that I don't. People that put on a fake smile and try to fool you. People who lure you in with there fake mess and then take advantage of you. I like to observe people before I become friends with people. This gives me a good idea of what kind of person I am dealing with.
Maybe this is why I only have a select group of friends. I don't know. I'm just tired of all the hypocrisy. What are your thoughts?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Baseball
I made a joke the other day saying that at the rate this country is going...there will be no more professional sports to watch in a few years. After all that's happening with the lockouts (both NBA and NFL), I think I need to start following the MLB more. I haven't gotten into baseball to a great level since Cal Ripken retired. There was a brief period last summer and a couple of years ago where i had glimpses of my great enthusiasm for the sport. Now baseball tends to be a little more boring compared to basketball and football in my opinion, but it is a great sport. Some people don't understand it, others say it's boring, and some say its boring on television but fun in person.
I'm a person who loves almost all sports. I even like curling. Anyways, I'll be rooting for my Nationals and possibly a few other teams. =)
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